Thanks, but no Thanks?

This evening I went by Starbucks to work on a journal article for one of my classes and also to pick up coffee for my wife before I came home. I ended up next to a table full of people, the only table left in the place. It was rainy and nasty outside, so everyone was camped indoors with something warm to drink, except for me. I had a vanilla creme frappuccino and a piece of iced lemon cake. I started working on my paper and eventually habituated to the noise of the coffee grinder and voices. All four of the people at the table next to me got up and left to go outside and I noticed a set of keys left on one of the chairs. I grabbed the keys, walked outside, and asked about the keys. One of the guys says, "Oh, yeah, they're mine.", takes them from my hand and turns around to the people he was with, continuing his conversation. No thank you, other response from him. This offended me, even though maybe it shouldn't have. I am from the South, so I am used to people being polite and saying polite things like "thanks" and "you are welcome". It was just odd to be ignored by someone when I thought about not even fooling with the whole ordeal.

I was actually able to concentrate on my work, which was a good thing, but it is not the ideal place to meet for class, especially when it comes to discussion. I was really distracted by the music because I liked each song and was trying to figure out which artist played each song. I had to really focus hard on my professor's voice to understand what she was saying. The place is also very small and packed out with machines. I figured out that the cream on top of the frappuccino is basically solid lard and that's why it sticks to the top of my throat. Nasty, and I will keep it off of the thing.

Boundaries are a Must! Part I

The lower you set your expectations, the less disappointment you will probably face. I don't like to think that I am a pessimist, but I probably sound like one most of the time. There's just different perspectives when it comes to life. Some of us see how everything works out and if it doesn't right now, then eventually over time things will work out for the best. Others just see how things are presently and for one reason or another can't see very far past that. They also tend to forget about how things have worked out in the past. Both of these perspectives come into play when dealing with tasks and with people. It seems a lot easier to deal with tasks rather than people because we can control tasks, but cannot control people at all. So basically I can guarantee that I will do something and it will happen because I decide in my mind to do it. People are so much more complex because if you depend on them and they are having a good day, then chances are good that you can actually count on them. However, if the good day was a fluke and on the day or days you were supposed to depend on them, you end up dealing with a different person, good luck. This brings up the conflict which most people deal with at some point and sometimes at many points in life: Do I do something because I want to do it or because I feel guilty about the situation and my feelings of obligation won't leave me alone. It's all about boundaries, something which takes a lot of work, but are well worth setting in place. One of the main reasons for setting them is that I am in charge of how much disappointment I will feel if someone lets me down. I don't feel responsible because I believe in a person's autonomy in making choices in life. Making large efforts when there is no point because it will go nowhere is a complete waste of time.
Yes, sometimes I can be really lazy and it almost seems like I can't depend on myself, but I am getting better. I finished two songs last night and I am not rewriting them at all! I have another on the table to work through, hopefully this week, but I need to invest time in a journal article for one of my classes and draw up some forms for school. It shall be a busy week.

In the Long Run

"In the Long Run" is a lot more than a cool Eagles song, it's a perspective some can view life from time to time. Lately I have been looking at how fleeting friendships are and how that having long term ones are a rarity. Most of my friends disappeared for a while after I got married, and then after I moved 30 minutes away they pulled a David Copperfield on me. It was kind of a shock. It's so easy to get into a regular routine of doing things with certain people because it seems like you have for so long. You learn to depend on them and think that they do likewise. When they are gone, well the skills used to develop friendships are so rusty that it's difficult to know which tool to use and how. Now, don't take me as helpless and confused about how to make friends, I just don't have regular places where I hangout anymore. I am married. My wife is my best friend and I spend a lot of time with her, therefore, I don't go out a lot by myself to hangout and when I do, it's weird trying to talk to random people. During college it was easy, but I tried to stay away from home as much as possible and kept running into the same people time and again. My wife had the same difficulty, but worse since she moved here not knowing anyone except the people I knew. We have made some friends, the ones next door being really great and fun, but now with school starting for me it's even harder to find time when I can hangout in places where I meant meet someone.
I used the word fleeting earlier because in the long run, the short term friendships aren't really that lengthy compared to the length of an average life. Friendships are built on commonalities. When they are gone or change, so does the relationship. Sometimes commonalities disappear and then the friendship becomes an uncomfortable void between two people. No one wants to say another about it because of the guilt. We always want to place blame for failure, whether it's us or them to blame because it brings resolution. It's not just one person's fault. Relationships at their foundation should be balanced on the shoulders of two parties, never one. When things weigh more on one person more than another, it's only a matter of time before it crumbles. I have outgrown plenty of friends and have learned that when one person grows and another doesn't, well, the end is near unless the relationship grows too. It's taken time, but I have learned that all of this is just a part of time and it's best to remember the good times. Setting boundaries with those people and not doing more work than they do to make things work was the best lesson of all.

I jammed to Crowded House all day while driving and I am ready to see them live! How long will I have to wait?

Thankful for Reunion Tours

It's been a strange a strange thing for me. I usually discover bands after they have broken up or members have died, leaving the band a skeleton of what it once was. I first began listening to Toto (Past to Present and IV) in 1990 right after Jeff Porcaro died of a heart attack (um, cocaine overdose) and even though Simon Phillips is a great drummer, the band has never sounded the same. The Police first came to my attention when I finally figured out that "Every Breath You Take", "Message in a Bottle", "Roxanne", and "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic" were all by the same band. Their greatest hits album was one of the first cds I ever bought and I wore it out. I ended up buying Message in a Box and loved every minute of it. Of course by that point in 1994, the band had long broken up and with all the venom left there was no hope of ever seeing them as a band. I became the rabid Sting fan, buying all of his cds and I also bought Andy Summers' The last Dance of Mr. X, a progressive guitar album. Crowded House broke up months before I purchased Recurring Dream: The Very Best of Crowded House. I couldn't get "Don't Dream It's Over" out of my head and then obsessed with the cd for months, discovering all the rest of the songs, which never made it to radio in the States.
I type all this as an introduction to this: Crowded House has reformed with Neil, Nick, and Mark (still looking for a drummer to attempt to replace Paul), and The Police are reportedly going to go on a stadium tour during this year!! I am so excited and ready to spend the money to see both bands play live. I am afraid of the ticket prices since, so many people have offered huge amounts of money to see reunion tours occur. I wasn't too surprised with the Crowded House reunion, but the Police reunion blew me away, even though it hasn't been confirmed as of yet. Only time will tell if Jeff Porcaro will come back from the dead and wow me with the total Toto experience. (I would have believed it was just as likely as The Police getting back together before I heard the announcement Sunday morning.)

Random: I hate fleas. The dog and cats are scratching and biting, although I have no signs on the infestation on me. I picked at least ten off of the dog the other day before we gave her a bath. The cats didn't enjoy the bathes as much, but survived. Vacuuming sucks, literally.

It's also Girl Scout Cookie time again! It was a lot easier to buy them this year, since my niece is selling them, and she is hard to resist.

Pefectionism

I have been thinking lately that I really don't get the things I want done completed or resolved and also that I don't know what keeps me from getting those things done. Not really related, but I sometimes think I should come up with a dictionary which gives definitions to words and how they relate to my life. That actually wouldn't be anything new, since the Devil's Revised Dictionary is an awesome resource for a laugh. The word of the day for me would be:
perfectionism (verb)-def.- how to never get anything done. a.k.a.-playing it safe, homeostatic.

I really do think that I could be successful at a lot of things, but I know how I am and so does my wife. It really frustrates her how I can come up with a clever idea, expound upon it, and within two weeks, sit my butt on it and not hear of it again. Some would call it laziness, but it's not about being lazy, or maybe it is. I guess it depends on how you define it. I do want to put the energy and effort in, and I have the energy, I just have an extremely difficult time sitting done to do the work. I have a hard time focusing when I have the pen on in my hand or the guitar in my lap. I lose interest and can't move forward. There are times that I feel plugged in and the ideas are bouncing like they should, but I am usually sitting in church or in class and by the time I get to where I can work on things, I have lost that focused intensity and am left feeling disappointed and confused. Updating this blog is the most consistent writing I have ever done.

I have probably 6 audio cassettes full of song ideas, either featuring lyrics, guitar or bass chord progressions or riffs, and vocal lines recorded from countless cellphones, tape recorders, and stereos; several notepads full of half-written lyrics; and a couple hundred post-it notes with random words written upon them including working titles or phrases which were just too cool to part with so I kept them around for future use. A few months back I went through most of the written things I had kept since high school and early college days. Most of them did not make the cut and ended up as reading material for the raccoons digging through my trash. Some of the collegial stuff is good, but most is unfinished and unheard. I really do get ideas, but I am just about always missing that one line to finish it off and make it complete. Obsession with an idea is a must and it usually takes place for a few months, before another idea pops up and then leaves the prior one in the dust literally, until yet another idea pops into my mind.

Today I put some thought into the whole situation and how it has been annoying me for so long. Most people just think that I just play stringed instruments and sing, which is true, but I want more than that. I really want to piece together the music I play and have more control over it because I know what I like and how I want it to sound. That could mean that I would be a great producer if most people agree with what I think about how things sound, but that's totally separate from actually coming up with original ideas and making them happen from scratch. I think am projecting way too much into what I think other people will think, therefore, defeating myself before I ever get a real start. I have the ear of Simon Cowel, but I am not on television trying to be somewhat friendly and keep people watching a show. My mind must think that others would judge what I put out just as harshly as I do, even though most probably don't care and of course I tend to forget that there is not one artist/performer loved by everyone. That's just impossible. I think I am comparing my present day self to the one fresh from high school. This music isn't even in the same genre of what I was doing then and I am not the same performer. It's waste of energy to think this far into things, but that's what I do. Most people musicians perform for don't have a clue musically what's going on and they just feel a connection and enjoy the music. I don't think enough about those people and think far too much about the 5 to 10% who think and hear similar to me.

Speaking of my audience, we, The Arenos, will be opening for the Crabb Family on Feb 9th. The auditorium will be full and I am guessing that it holds about 600 to 800 people. It looks like we will not be working Daywind, although that's not for sure right now. The deal just isn't looking as good as the offer we got to record with Gerald Crabb in Florida. I still don't have all the details, but I guess that's what happens when you are the bass player. Just a side note, black gospel songs take more effort than I thought when it comes to working up acoustic versions of them on guitar. Not impossible, but time consuming.

Yes, pefectionism was spelled incorrectly on purpose. I obsessed about that the entire time and also about the spelling of lazy because I just looks wrong for some reason, even though I learned to spell it in probably second grade and haven't spelled it wrong since then.

The meeting is now in order

I had an interesting night last night. I am currently teaching at a middle school, filling in for a teacher taking a sabbatical. This semester I will complete two classes and then after the necessary paperwork, I will be certified as a professional school counselor. I stayed at the school late, making phone calls to parents and was home for only a few minutes before remembering that there was a meeting with my city council representative starting in thirty minutes. I grabbed some food and ran out the door to the meeting. Getting involved in city politics is a little strange for me, since I have never seen myself as a political person. Okay not that much of one, but I guess we all are to a certain degree since we have opinions. The older people get, the more they think people are interested in what they have to say. It seems that the opposite might be true, which is unfortunate for the younger generations. Of course keep in mind that wanting to do things the same way because they have always been done that way is not a very logical train of thought when things are not going well. There were about twelve people at the meeting and also the city council rep. and a candidate for the state house. I was by far the youngest person there, but I am used to that I guess. The main problem with my city is that problems have been talked about, but nothing has really been done to implement solutions. The mayor seems to like to smile and wave, being a great face for the city, while things are not working around him. He isn't really doing his job and is putting the responsibility on other people. Pointing fingers is tacky and doesn't get things done, so I won't start. I don't know these people, all I know is what I see happening and not happening in the city. I just want recycling bins to be made available to the citizens at no charge and for my trash to get picked up on the day it's supposed to get taken from me, so the raccoons don't set up a home within my can. I guess this could get interesting.

Pandora internet radio is something my wife has turned me on to and now I am flooding myself with even more music. It is so much better than Launchcast from Yahoo! in that you can make several stations so that you can skip songs until you reach your limit on one, and then switch to another one each time you run out of skips. Initially, you pick a song or an artist and then the program actually matches other music by different means to what you picked, supposedly by comparing bars of music against each other. My Neil Finn and Sting stations have been great so far.

We have been doing planning for the London trip coming up in April and the cross-country road trip which will be taking place in June. Lots of places to see, people to meet, and things to write about...who knows how many books I could milk out of it.

Fat, Fat, Fat, Fat, Fat

I am not talking about a person, just the nasty substance which courses through our blood vessels, looking for any open opportunities to build up and kill you over time. (Just say the title of this post to yourself as you hum or sing George Michael's "Faith". I guess that idea is due to karaoke. The microphone we bought features the song and I think I do a decent rendition.)
I am a label freak. If some food item, canned or bagged, has a nutrition label on the package chances are I have read it and know what's in it. My wife hates it, but she and the media have created a monster. I am more like Jekyll and Hyde. Some things are easily avoidable, but others call out to me like the Sirens..."Eat me, eat me!" I avoid fast food at just about all costs, but going out for dinner at an actual sit down restaurant usually turns into an unhealthy adventure. My snacks around the house have gotten healthier and I have stopped buying things that I should not eat and at school most of what I have to eat is free of the worst things. It's amazing how many of our foods have either added sugar, salt, or fat throw into them to help make us crave them more. Some claim that it almost makes the food addictive to some. If you want more information on that, read the book Fast Food Nation by Eric Schlosser and check out the documentary Super Size Me. It's not too difficult to avoid fast food restaurants. You have to actually drive there to get the food, so if you don't go out, you won't get the stuff. When you go to the store it gets more complex. There are so many different terms for ingredients that you could be reading it and need an interpreter to figure out what's actually on the label. The most confusing one is trans fat, probably the worst thing you can actually put in your body. It's so bad for you that the government has mandated that manufacturers list how much of it is in any food product. The trickiest part of the label issue is that a product can have under 0.5 grams trans fat in it and still be listed as zero. It's only listed if the product is higher than 0.5 grams trans fat or higher. So in theory, you could eat 5 bowls of Bluebell Ice Cream, each bowl listed at 0 grams trans fat, that should be 0 grams of trans fat. But, pretend that each bowl of Bluebell has nearly 0.5 grams of trans fat in it, you could actually be eating 2.5 grams of trans fat and not even know it. Kind of scary isn't it? That was how the law was passed. I have been eating a ton of Bluebell, my favorite ice cream, because I am eating through all junk food which doesn't have a ton of trans fat in it. Once it's gone, I don't plan to buy anymore. Bluebell has partially hydrogenated fats and/or oils in it, which is another name for trans fat. The instant hot chocolate, my wife's coffee, baked Cheetos, Doritos, most candies with chocolate in them, and anything listing shortening as an ingredient. I didn't realize it until I started hunting through the info on the labels. Fully hydrogenated oils/fat are supposed to be safe, although they contain some saturated fat and my peanut butter had plenty of it in it. I started researching to see if my peanut butter was safe and that's how I ended up typing all of this off the cuff. Amazing how a taste of peanut butter brought upon all of this thinking.

Now Introducing...Steve Perry

It's interesting that when the church board introduced our candidate for pastor before he spoke on Sunday morning, I discovered that his name is Steve Perry; yes, the same. "Lights" automatically popped into my head and didn't leave for most of the service (great song that it is, it was the wrong venue for the song). Of course he wasn't from Journey, since he doesn't have the pubescent voice or long hair. The message he delivered was pretty straightforward, just what the majority of the congregation wanted to hear. This of course guaranteed that he will be voted into the position. It's strange to me that he has been the only person to actually be voted on by the congregation.

As I type, President Bush, or Bushee as I like to call him, is trying to get 20,000 more troops to put their lives on the line for the "freedom" of Iraq. Interesting to hear him come up with a new strategy after 3000 troops have already died. It seems like nothing we tried will work since it should have happened in the first place and it will be interesting to see if he will pull forces out in November as he claimed he would. I am interested in whether he actually has the power to order troops in without approval from Congress. The president should have waited for the U. N. to act with the U. S. rather than jump in without a parachute.

Eat Sleep Repeat from Copeland is an eclectic mix of sounds and instruments. I put it in today to help improve my mind. Starflyer 59's Talking Voice vs. Singing Voice has been in my cd player for the last week and a half and it has been quite the mellow album, but worth a week and a half of listening. The Appleseed Cast's Peregrine has been interesting with its soaring instrumental tracks. Earthsuit has been a stretch for me, since I was hoping it would be more like Mutemath. Jeremy Enigk's World Waits is up next for a listen when I get a chance.

Why are so many crappy shows on tv struggling to make it? I watched two episodes of Law and Order last night, but neither was the original, which I still think is the best. It got shifted to Fridays, the worst night to be on for me, since I am hardly ever home to see it. I just don't connect the same way with any of the CSIs currently on CBS. I have just about given up on any of the new shows except for Heroes. I think I will just put Talladega Nights on instead.

Cozumel or Bust

Our last excursion day was spent in Cozumel. There were stores all over the place and in each doorway we were greeted by at least two people begging us to come in their store. Most of them started with the phrase "We've got a great deal for you honeymooners!" and they would try to put fliers in our hands. We avoided most of these stores, but the ones we went into put selected at least one worker to follow us around for the duration. Argh! It was more annoying than any other stop on our trip for these reasons. Prices were marked most of the time, so no haggling. We caught a taxi and made it to the hotel from where we would leave to go para-sailing. It was really fun and freaky at the same time. We went out on a boat from which you take off and land without even touching the water. Anna didn't want to go up, but decided to eventually. We were afraid of hitting the water, but went up so fast that we forgot about how high we actually were off of the ground. You could see most of the city from the air and also the different colors in the water down below, supposedly caused by walling off the city. It was a fun experience from me because I have a flat butt and the harness strap kept slipping off of me because of this. When I hit the boat, I was about to fall out of the harness and hang by more arms, so when I landed, I hit feet first almost flatfooted. Lots of pain immediately shot up my legs. My wife didn't have this problem with landing or with the strap on her harness. After getting back to the hotel, we ate a Tex-Mex meal in Mexico.

This ended up being our worst day of the cruise because our snorkeling trip was canceled and we didn't find out until we had raced across the city to get there. The boat rudder was dysfunctional and we couldn't get our refund then, which prevented us from being able to book with another snorkeling group. We ended up spending more time in shops being bothered by more salespeople before finally getting back to the ship. The snorkeling trip was the thing we were looking forward to the most. I did get to go to a music store which had lots of Mexican made guitars which is not that different from the U.S., right? I did get to play a few nice guitars and the owner showed me lots of pictures of instruments he has in his museum of traditional Mexican music. He also travels to schools to teach kids about Mexican music history. The guitars were cheap, but I really don't need to buy another one and I only want a Telecaster at the moment.

I did some more karaoke that night and slept a whole lot because I was so worn out from walking all over the city.
Yesterday actually, my wife got a karaoke machine to plug into the front of the TV. The whole system is built into the microphone and has a chip in it featuring 300 different songs. It was really fun, but the music is midi so after a few songs, you wonder if you are in the grocery store being friendly with the pretend versions of popular songs. My wife actually sang in a talent show and should have won. This spurned us into deciding to work together on some songs and karaoke is great practice for singing whether people want to admit it or not.

Belize Navidad

On our Wednesday, we traveled to Belize, Belize City in fact, to go on more excursion adventures. Lots of shops again at the port, but we weren't being haggled to much be people outside of stores. Our guide Taz took us on a great tour of the city by van before we headed out of town. He was very informative about everything to do with his country including the little things which I find are usually the more interesting ones. In the recent past Belize was called British Honduras and they are still part of the British Commonwealth. They are the only country in Central America with water safe to drink from the faucet. People only worry about crime occurring in the bad parts of town. The country's ambassador has no security, walks his dog and jogs out on the street alone, and flys on the regular airline. There are many orange orchards in Belize and they sometimes supply concentrate to Florida Orange Juice (those hypocrites). We hiked a mile and a half in the secondary rain forest to where we jumped into the cold water with our tubes and headlamps. Taz pointed out various trees and explained what the bark could be used for and mentioned that pharmaceutical companies have visited to find out information about the plants and trees and their uses.

I have never floated down a river in a tube while wearing a headlamp and I would do it again in a heartbeat. It was a lot of fun except for pulling some dead weight around with me. She looked really great in her tube-gear so it was worth it too. We got to see some interesting limestone formations and bats. I hated bouncing into walls and of course there is always the fear that something will grab me from below or bite at my ankles. I don't mind being underground, so that just wasn't an issue.

The zip line was a lot of fun although my wife thought that I stuck in the middle on a couple of runs because I was scared. I don't see the logic in that because getting stuck meant that I had to pull myself to the trees or the next person coming at me feet first would really hurt me. We were hurdling through the rain forest from great heights, but it wasn't as cool as I had hoped. I like great falls and these were safe and gradual. We did have a drop at the end, but when you land four feet off the ground and hang there for a while, it kind of removes the fear from the situation, if there even was any. Being a guy and wearing a harness just don't go together very well. Another reason I can't understand how guys can ride horses.

We watched karaoke tonight and I didn't sing because I was way too chicken to get up in front of a group of drunken people and open up on a microphone. I am not the best karaoke buddy because I take it way too seriously. Each song is like a performance which will judged harshly simply because that's what I do to the people doing songs. I remember just playing a song on my guitar while a friend played away on his saxophone at a camp one night just for fun. Another guy started making funny faces and I wanted to yell at him and take a few swings at him with my fender. Yeah, I didn't do it and knew that I couldn't just joke around with music while with the wrong people. Karaoke is a lot less intimate, so hopefully I will grow up a bit about it since most of the people doing it suck anyway.