In the Long Run

"In the Long Run" is a lot more than a cool Eagles song, it's a perspective some can view life from time to time. Lately I have been looking at how fleeting friendships are and how that having long term ones are a rarity. Most of my friends disappeared for a while after I got married, and then after I moved 30 minutes away they pulled a David Copperfield on me. It was kind of a shock. It's so easy to get into a regular routine of doing things with certain people because it seems like you have for so long. You learn to depend on them and think that they do likewise. When they are gone, well the skills used to develop friendships are so rusty that it's difficult to know which tool to use and how. Now, don't take me as helpless and confused about how to make friends, I just don't have regular places where I hangout anymore. I am married. My wife is my best friend and I spend a lot of time with her, therefore, I don't go out a lot by myself to hangout and when I do, it's weird trying to talk to random people. During college it was easy, but I tried to stay away from home as much as possible and kept running into the same people time and again. My wife had the same difficulty, but worse since she moved here not knowing anyone except the people I knew. We have made some friends, the ones next door being really great and fun, but now with school starting for me it's even harder to find time when I can hangout in places where I meant meet someone.
I used the word fleeting earlier because in the long run, the short term friendships aren't really that lengthy compared to the length of an average life. Friendships are built on commonalities. When they are gone or change, so does the relationship. Sometimes commonalities disappear and then the friendship becomes an uncomfortable void between two people. No one wants to say another about it because of the guilt. We always want to place blame for failure, whether it's us or them to blame because it brings resolution. It's not just one person's fault. Relationships at their foundation should be balanced on the shoulders of two parties, never one. When things weigh more on one person more than another, it's only a matter of time before it crumbles. I have outgrown plenty of friends and have learned that when one person grows and another doesn't, well, the end is near unless the relationship grows too. It's taken time, but I have learned that all of this is just a part of time and it's best to remember the good times. Setting boundaries with those people and not doing more work than they do to make things work was the best lesson of all.

I jammed to Crowded House all day while driving and I am ready to see them live! How long will I have to wait?