Pefectionism
I have been thinking lately that I really don't get the things I want done completed or resolved and also that I don't know what keeps me from getting those things done. Not really related, but I sometimes think I should come up with a dictionary which gives definitions to words and how they relate to my life. That actually wouldn't be anything new, since the Devil's Revised Dictionary is an awesome resource for a laugh. The word of the day for me would be:
perfectionism (verb)-def.- how to never get anything done. a.k.a.-playing it safe, homeostatic.
I really do think that I could be successful at a lot of things, but I know how I am and so does my wife. It really frustrates her how I can come up with a clever idea, expound upon it, and within two weeks, sit my butt on it and not hear of it again. Some would call it laziness, but it's not about being lazy, or maybe it is. I guess it depends on how you define it. I do want to put the energy and effort in, and I have the energy, I just have an extremely difficult time sitting done to do the work. I have a hard time focusing when I have the pen on in my hand or the guitar in my lap. I lose interest and can't move forward. There are times that I feel plugged in and the ideas are bouncing like they should, but I am usually sitting in church or in class and by the time I get to where I can work on things, I have lost that focused intensity and am left feeling disappointed and confused. Updating this blog is the most consistent writing I have ever done.
I have probably 6 audio cassettes full of song ideas, either featuring lyrics, guitar or bass chord progressions or riffs, and vocal lines recorded from countless cellphones, tape recorders, and stereos; several notepads full of half-written lyrics; and a couple hundred post-it notes with random words written upon them including working titles or phrases which were just too cool to part with so I kept them around for future use. A few months back I went through most of the written things I had kept since high school and early college days. Most of them did not make the cut and ended up as reading material for the raccoons digging through my trash. Some of the collegial stuff is good, but most is unfinished and unheard. I really do get ideas, but I am just about always missing that one line to finish it off and make it complete. Obsession with an idea is a must and it usually takes place for a few months, before another idea pops up and then leaves the prior one in the dust literally, until yet another idea pops into my mind.
Today I put some thought into the whole situation and how it has been annoying me for so long. Most people just think that I just play stringed instruments and sing, which is true, but I want more than that. I really want to piece together the music I play and have more control over it because I know what I like and how I want it to sound. That could mean that I would be a great producer if most people agree with what I think about how things sound, but that's totally separate from actually coming up with original ideas and making them happen from scratch. I think am projecting way too much into what I think other people will think, therefore, defeating myself before I ever get a real start. I have the ear of Simon Cowel, but I am not on television trying to be somewhat friendly and keep people watching a show. My mind must think that others would judge what I put out just as harshly as I do, even though most probably don't care and of course I tend to forget that there is not one artist/performer loved by everyone. That's just impossible. I think I am comparing my present day self to the one fresh from high school. This music isn't even in the same genre of what I was doing then and I am not the same performer. It's waste of energy to think this far into things, but that's what I do. Most people musicians perform for don't have a clue musically what's going on and they just feel a connection and enjoy the music. I don't think enough about those people and think far too much about the 5 to 10% who think and hear similar to me.
Speaking of my audience, we, The Arenos, will be opening for the Crabb Family on Feb 9th. The auditorium will be full and I am guessing that it holds about 600 to 800 people. It looks like we will not be working Daywind, although that's not for sure right now. The deal just isn't looking as good as the offer we got to record with Gerald Crabb in Florida. I still don't have all the details, but I guess that's what happens when you are the bass player. Just a side note, black gospel songs take more effort than I thought when it comes to working up acoustic versions of them on guitar. Not impossible, but time consuming.
Yes, pefectionism was spelled incorrectly on purpose. I obsessed about that the entire time and also about the spelling of lazy because I just looks wrong for some reason, even though I learned to spell it in probably second grade and haven't spelled it wrong since then.
perfectionism (verb)-def.- how to never get anything done. a.k.a.-playing it safe, homeostatic.
I really do think that I could be successful at a lot of things, but I know how I am and so does my wife. It really frustrates her how I can come up with a clever idea, expound upon it, and within two weeks, sit my butt on it and not hear of it again. Some would call it laziness, but it's not about being lazy, or maybe it is. I guess it depends on how you define it. I do want to put the energy and effort in, and I have the energy, I just have an extremely difficult time sitting done to do the work. I have a hard time focusing when I have the pen on in my hand or the guitar in my lap. I lose interest and can't move forward. There are times that I feel plugged in and the ideas are bouncing like they should, but I am usually sitting in church or in class and by the time I get to where I can work on things, I have lost that focused intensity and am left feeling disappointed and confused. Updating this blog is the most consistent writing I have ever done.
I have probably 6 audio cassettes full of song ideas, either featuring lyrics, guitar or bass chord progressions or riffs, and vocal lines recorded from countless cellphones, tape recorders, and stereos; several notepads full of half-written lyrics; and a couple hundred post-it notes with random words written upon them including working titles or phrases which were just too cool to part with so I kept them around for future use. A few months back I went through most of the written things I had kept since high school and early college days. Most of them did not make the cut and ended up as reading material for the raccoons digging through my trash. Some of the collegial stuff is good, but most is unfinished and unheard. I really do get ideas, but I am just about always missing that one line to finish it off and make it complete. Obsession with an idea is a must and it usually takes place for a few months, before another idea pops up and then leaves the prior one in the dust literally, until yet another idea pops into my mind.
Today I put some thought into the whole situation and how it has been annoying me for so long. Most people just think that I just play stringed instruments and sing, which is true, but I want more than that. I really want to piece together the music I play and have more control over it because I know what I like and how I want it to sound. That could mean that I would be a great producer if most people agree with what I think about how things sound, but that's totally separate from actually coming up with original ideas and making them happen from scratch. I think am projecting way too much into what I think other people will think, therefore, defeating myself before I ever get a real start. I have the ear of Simon Cowel, but I am not on television trying to be somewhat friendly and keep people watching a show. My mind must think that others would judge what I put out just as harshly as I do, even though most probably don't care and of course I tend to forget that there is not one artist/performer loved by everyone. That's just impossible. I think I am comparing my present day self to the one fresh from high school. This music isn't even in the same genre of what I was doing then and I am not the same performer. It's waste of energy to think this far into things, but that's what I do. Most people musicians perform for don't have a clue musically what's going on and they just feel a connection and enjoy the music. I don't think enough about those people and think far too much about the 5 to 10% who think and hear similar to me.
Speaking of my audience, we, The Arenos, will be opening for the Crabb Family on Feb 9th. The auditorium will be full and I am guessing that it holds about 600 to 800 people. It looks like we will not be working Daywind, although that's not for sure right now. The deal just isn't looking as good as the offer we got to record with Gerald Crabb in Florida. I still don't have all the details, but I guess that's what happens when you are the bass player. Just a side note, black gospel songs take more effort than I thought when it comes to working up acoustic versions of them on guitar. Not impossible, but time consuming.
Yes, pefectionism was spelled incorrectly on purpose. I obsessed about that the entire time and also about the spelling of lazy because I just looks wrong for some reason, even though I learned to spell it in probably second grade and haven't spelled it wrong since then.
posted by Ryan @ 4:35 PM
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